Enough Egg McMuffins to Feed a Very Small Village

Image courtesy of mcdonalds.com

I have a problem.

Some people have a drinking problem. Some people have a problem with sweets. Some people have more serious problems, life threatening ones like heroin or Pinterest. I have an Egg McMuffin problem.

I try not to think about it, because sometimes thinking about it makes it worse. Just like when you are lying in bed at night, and just as you begin to feel drowsy you feel a tickle between your shoulder blades. You try to ignore it for a moment and then give in. Just one quick little scratch... Your hand creeps up, trying to sneak up on the itch. This is obviously impossible. You dig in, and the itch fights back. First, it runs deeper under your skin- so you scratch harder. Then it flits away to your shoulder, then down to the small of your back.

Before you know it you're looking up at the ceiling in agony as you squirm on your scratchy carpet, trying to eradicate the itch by magically scratching your entire back at once. This enterprise was doomed from the start.

This is what happens to me. I wake up in the morning wanting warm cheddar cheese on a muffin. With egg and ham. It shouldn't be good- I don't really like eggs at all outside of this context. I whisper my mantra: "I do not like eggs". I pour myself a bowl of cereal, thinking this will stop the itch. But it just digs in. My stomach rebels. It asked for protein, not breakfast cereal!

Before I know it, I am stopping on my way to work filled with the odd mixture of delightful anticipation and self-loathing.

I am not terrible. I usually only give in about twice a week. Then again, in the turn of one year, that IS one hundred and four muffins. Enough to feed a small village breakfast.

UPDATE: I had an Egg White McMuffin this morning. It is even better. I don't even feel bad.