Extrovert Poser

  I used to have a very strange reputation with my friends for being a little too socially forward. I was the person (and still am sometimes) who skipped down the street singing. A disproportionate number of my friends know me because I forced my company on them at some late night diner with a thumbs-up approach to free coffee refills and chain smoking. I'm almost always the one to pick up the phone if the silence between me and a friend has gone on too long. Most of the time, people assume someone who behaves in this pushy way is an extrovert. I am something different.

  I am an extrovert poser.



  A real extrovert is someone who not only gains energy from social interaction and actively seeks that out. An extrovert is a person whose very thought process runs more smoothly around people. When extroverts feel tired and run down they tend to go out, because being around people energizes them. I love people. But that doesn't make me an extrovert.

  It's true that I'm not pure introvert. No one is pure introvert, though- to paraphrase Carl Jung, anyone who is purely introverted or extroverted is insane. However, I am an introvert in the purest sense. Being around people exhausts me. I regroup by being alone. Fortunately, my husband is the same way- so when the day ends with us retreating to opposite ends of the apartment for "quiet time", neither one of us takes it personally. Again, this doesn't mean I don't like people. I'm fascinated by people, and I'm like a raccoon with my friends- if I've decided you are shiny, I will probably kill myself holding on to you. I enjoy talking to strangers, and I like having friends over. As long as strangers and friends alike stay away from the two big introvert no-nos- small talk and large groups.

  Maybe if I had acknowledged these things earlier I wouldn't have been surprised by the near panic attack that ensued in college the first time I tried to present a lesson plan.

  This is why I call myself an extrovert poser. I would love to enjoy small talk. It exhausts me. I would love to love big parties, but every time I try to go to one, I end up hiding somewhere or sticking to the people I know and leaving early. In fact, this is the perfect test. If you're not sure if someone you know leans more to the introvert or extrovert side of the social spectrum, take them to a big party with lots of strangers. Make an excuse and dodge them. You may have to try something wiley to shake them, like climbing onto the roof, but as with all scientific experiments, you cannot properly observe a reaction up close. You need distance for context.

This is how a normal (ambivert) will look at said party:

Now your extrovert:

Okay, this may take a few frames. Extroverts are exhausting.

Now here's me at said party:

Like I said. Extrovert poser. It's much easier to talk to strangers when there aren't enough of them to trample you.