How to Talk to Humans

Sometimes, the people you are surrounded by aren't like you. Sometimes they like the Tea Party, donate to Green Peace, have kids, can't stand kids, love something you hate, hate something you love...

It's utterly terrifying. I mean, imagine a world where not everyone thinks the same thoughts as you! Where they raise their kids differently than you would, don't have kids, vote for people you don't like, or watch shows that don't deserve the air time. I could go on and on with the horrors, but it is time to face facts: it is real. Some people don't like cheesecake.

This is what true love looks like.

You try to reason with them:

1. It's made of cheese!

2. When you make a crust out of Graham Crackers, it is automagically delicious.

3. You can have fruit topping OR chocolate. Or both!

4. Did I mention the cheese?!

5. You're stupid.

Your logical prowess fails you. Even the last point you made failed to win them over.

Maybe if they just TASTED it? I mean, if you don't like cheesecake, it must mean you haven't found the right cheesecake, right? So you try making them eat your favorite cheesecake, and the whole time they are talking about other things they actually LIKE! So rude. As if pie could ever hold a candle up to cheesecake. (It can't. The candle breaks the crust and falls right over, thank you!) 

Hmm. Maybe you could just demand they eat the cheesecake or you will destroy their pie.

If all of these tactics fail you, there is one last option out there. For the wimps who can't handle the other options. You could eat your cheesecake, and leave them to eat their pie in peace. Or sit next to them while you both eat your chosen deserts. Being only human, this may be the best way to actually enjoy your cheesecake, since cheesecake tastes better when you're happy (instead of guilty, angry, or sad that your friend went somewhere else so they could eat their pie in peace).