What Your Mom Wants for Christmas

It may come as a surprise to some, but your mommy is not lusting after a fat man in a red suit. And the mother of your young children probably doesn't care about a new tennis bracelet- where is she even going to wear that thing?!

So now that Thanksgiving is over and you're all rushing to trample strangers at the mall, here are five things your mom/wife wants for Christmas.

1. A loong, hot, UNINTERRUPTED bath.
Depending on the age and head count of her children, the word "bath" may be readily exchangeable for the words "meal" or "potty break".

I wasn't going to put a picture here, but I got way too excited when I saw this picture. So this picture is dedicated to YOU, fellow moms. It's bath porn.

2. A punching bag with the face of that super-self-righteous "My kids were potty trained before their second birthday and were bilingual by kindergarten and oh they just LOVE Baby Einstein things" mom "friend" printed right in the middle.
I pretty sure you can find one somewhere on the internet. You can find ANYTHING on the internet.

3. Super fluffy socks.
Because we all know she's sliding around the house pretending to be a ninja the second the kids leave the house.

4. A hidden camera.
Most of us aren't paranoid about what the babysitter's up to, but we know the fastest way to get a kid to stop doing whatever really cute thing grandma would want to see is to break out the camera.

5. A bottle of Patron.
Because REALLY- have you ever tasted a margarita made from this stuff?! And mommy needs a margarita to get through ages 2-5. And 12-wheneveryoumoveout.

See, look! It's red and green- very festive!