Sometimes, having a day job is a good thing.
I don’t just mean on the first of the month when I pay rent
and revel in the thought that I’m not raising my son in my dad’s basement where
Jeff and I would need to hang sheets to get a little privacy. I’ve seen any
number of people forced to move back in with their parents and remember why
being a teenager really does suck. How on earth can you feel like a competent
adult in a job interview when your mom lectured you about picking up your dirty
socks on your way out the door? You can’t- because you’re not a real grownup.
Sorry. I know, I’m old and boring because I’m married and have a kid, but at
least no one is lecturing me about what they were doing “back in MY day” while
I watch sitcom reruns.
No, when I most appreciate my day job is when I encounter what
you might call a “character”. I work in ecommerce, and ecommerce brings out the
character in every one. When you call a customer service center, you can’t see
the facial expressions of the people you’re talking to, so you say whatever you
want. I’m guilty of this, too. Once, when I was living in Grand Junction and
was feeling particularly bored and anxious, I called Amazon.com and told my
life story to a clerk on the false pretense of asking for help picking an
exercise machine. I think that woman has a future in show biz, because I hung
up feeling socially satisfied and uncertain about where that stupid elliptical
could be hidden from Jeff.
We get the lonely, the eternally enraged, and the confused-
but we get one other character I love beyond reason. The drunk. The person who
sits down after a few too many, notices how bright the sun is in the daytime,
and decides he is going to COVER that window, dammit! So he picks up the phone
and calls us.
The blinds people.
I grew up in a small town, and our neighbor represented
every stereotype of that town. We’ll call him Cowboy Bob. Cowboy Bob didn’t
like English saddles, prairie dogs, and beer that stayed in his cup. I know
this because he spilled it on me with a natural talent whenever he got the
chance, and always in the same spot- my lap. I guess it helped him to
articulate a point that might have otherwise been lost in the slurring of his
tongue over unbrushed teeth. My dad always laughed at him and said he was
harmless, but he worked all day when Cowboy Bob was shooting from his back
porch.
One thing he complained most about was the sun. How it was
ALWAYS, ya know, raat der! Een yer ahs! Lahk eet were spitefull er sumthin’.
This was my first call of the day today. Not Cowboy Bob-
just someone else perpetuating his stereotype. I did my best not to laugh, but
you can be sure I recorded the call to cheer up anyone who looked droopy at the
office that day. He had ordered the other day, and now, being sober, was not
happy that his beer money had been spent on blinds. He needed to cancel,
dammit! Didn’t we have a satisfaction guarantee?! No matter how purdy those
blinds were, he weren’t goin to be satisfied!
By the end of it, it was one of the most rewarding phone
calls possible. Sure, I got his order canceled and that’s never awesome- but it
was like be yelled at by the tow truck from Cars, and kept me laughing until
lunch.
And then I remembered it would probably be the best part of
my day.
